Ever been in the middle of a roast battle and your mind just. locked up? You know when you’ve got to have the perfect retort, but all you can think to say is “your mom”? Yeah, we’ve all been there!
Whether you need to good-naturedly roast your BFF, have some friendly banter with your bae, or simply wish to be prepared to turn the tables at the moment of awkwardness in life, learning creative insults is a must-have social skill.
I’ve put together 101+ of the wit, punniest, and most original funny insults ever made to make everyone laugh. Silly and harmless to witty and sophisticated, all these roasts are meant for fun, not to destroy. Are you ready to become your circle’s roast master? Let’s explore the amazing universe of wordplay and witty banter!
Funny Insults for Adults
- You do you. Because God knows no one else will.
- Don’t worry, someday the other one will drop.
- You look like a “before” picture.
- You could have been an extra in Chernobyl.
- What doesn’t kill you disappoints the rest of us.
- Did you develop your personality in a car crash?
- I smell smoke. Were you thinking too hard again?
- Being bitter won’t make you prettier.
- I envy everyone who hasn’t met you.
- You’re proof that evolution is bulls*it.
- If ignorance is bliss, you must be ecstatic at all times.
- You’d fail a personality test.
- You’re proof that accidents happen.
- Out of all the sperm to win the race…
- There really is one born every minute.
- You’ll go far someday. And I hope you stay there.
- You’re proof that the gene pool needs lifeguards.
- Your gene pool needs more chlorine
- I will not have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent.
- It’s impossible to underestimate you.
- Your pH level is 14.
- Though some people fear success, rest assured, you have nothing to worry about.
- The only time you’re not as dumb as you look is when I close my eyes.
- Imagine how many crises would have been averted if your parents bothered to use a condom.
- You look like someone fed you after midnight.
- You’re weapons-grade stupid.
- Even Bob Ross would call you a mistake.
- If I gave you a penny for your thoughts, I’d get change back.
- Our parents told us we could be anything, and you chose “disappointment.”
- I think of you often. On trash day
- Your birth control of choice appears to be your personality.
- You’re a sentient menstrual cramp.
- If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them cute.
- Your parents should be tried at the Hague.
- If your IQ were just a little higher you could be an idiot.
- You’re not the dumbest person alive, but you better hope they’re taking vitamins.
- I expect nothing and am still disappointed.
- The bar is beneath the ground and we need a metal detector to find it.
- I’d love to help you out. Which way did you get in?
- Light travels faster than sound, which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.
Funny Insults
- The closest you’ll come to a brainstorm is a light drizzle.
- You look smarter in pictures.
- Honestly, I’m just impressed you could read this.
- Your family tree didn’t have enough branches.
- Your existence proves that intelligent design doesn’t exist.
- Your face just made me agnostic.
- I’m still deciding whether you’re the weakest link or the missing link.
- I have neither the time nor the crayons necessary to explain this to you.
- You are an oxygen bandit.
- I’ve had bowel movements more attractive than you.
Funny Insults for Kids
- On Halloween, trick-or-treaters probably give you candy.
- You’re not the brightest crayon in the box.
- You’re as bright as beige.
- You look like something I drew with my left hand.
- If genius skips a generation, your parents must be masterminds.
- Silence is golden, but for you, it’s actually diamond status.
- Your mom wishes the stork left a gift receipt with you.
- If zombies tried eating your brains, they’d starve.
- If you were any dumber I’d have to water you once a day.
- You bring as much joy to the world as a wet sock.
- You’re a gray sprinkle on a Funfetti cupcake.
- Your face would make an onion
- Don’t be ashamed of who you are. That’s your parents’ job.
- I know you are, but what am I?
- You remind me of my dog, who chases his own tail for entertainment,
- You’re why shampoo bottles have instructions.
- If you ever had to speak your mind, you’d be silent.
- That sounds like a problem.
- You are like a cloud. When you disappear, it’s a beautiful day.
- I am rubber, you are glue. Anything you say bounces off of me and sticks to you!
- I’d say you’re dumb as a rock, but at least rocks are useful.
- I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.
- You’re so ugly you’d make a Happy Meal cry.
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- If you were any more gutless, you’d be dead.
- If stupidity were a crime, you’d be serving a life sentence.
- You bring joy to every room you exit.
- Does it make you sad that you didn’t even make the main stage at the circus?
- You have a face for radio.
- You’re as useful as a chocolate teapot.
- You’re about as bright as a cave.
Funny Insults for Significant Others
- I’ll never forget the day we met. But that doesn’t mean I won’t keep trying.
- I go everywhere with you so I won’t have to kiss you goodbye.
- If brilliance skips a generation, my in-laws must be geniuses.
- You have a face only a mother could love. It’s also why we’re never having kids.
- Your secrets are safe with me, mostly because I wasn’t listening.
- I’ve forgotten more than you’ve ever known.
- What I settled for is what I got.
- This isn’t what I meant when I asked for a slow cooker.
- Consider swapping out your Chapstick for a glue stick.
- My knight in shining armor turned out to be a jester wrapped in aluminum foil.
- We were happily married for a month. We’ve been married for a decade.
- I’m learning to embrace my mistakes. Want a hug?
- I felt incomplete until I married you. Now I feel like I’m finished.
- If at first, you don’t succeed, try doing it the way I told you to the first time.
- My partner and I had a very happy 20 years. Then we met.
- I wish my marriage license came with an expiration date.
- The first 40 years of childhood are the hardest.
- My partner said I’d never find someone else like them. That’s the point.
- My relationship is like a walk in the park … Jurassic Park.
- How is it that you know everything except when to shut up?
Also Read: 250+ Fun Never Have I Ever Questions for Any Party
Conclusion
These 101+ humorous roasts give you the ammunition to embark upon light-hearted trash talking that will make people laugh, not cry. Remember, the best funny insults are those that everyone will be laughing at, including the one getting roasted.
The magic ingredient of great roasting is understanding your audience, playing by the rules, and never losing sight of keeping the mood light and having a good time. If you’re playfully teasing your BFF, sparring with banter with your partner, or need the ultimate zinger for life’s awkward moments, these ridiculous insults will come in handy.
